When “That wasn’t supposed to happen” happens.

Heard an intriguing idea about Forgiveness from Fred Luskin PhD, director of Stanford Forgiveness Project. He said “Forgiveness is our resolution to the objection of life.” Luskin goes on to say that “Forgiveness is making peace when you didn’t get what you wanted.”  Ouch.

Stripped of any religion, or deity based reasoning, his idea pointed out that it is our mistake, so we need to fix it!  That’s right – its OUR mistake, not the “guilty” party’s doing.

I definitely gotta’ put on my big boy undies to live up to that one! This breaks most of our Momentum that we are used to feeling when we’ve been wronged. We want revenge, or an apology.  But, the reasoning does make sense, read on.

Just take a minute, to stand back, to see “How” were you wronged?

For example, take an event that 99% of people would share the opinion – “This should NOT happen.”  When it does- it crushes us. We stick a Label on it as “Unfair. Cruel. Insane. Ask anyone!”  We doubt we can forgive the “guilty” party. But again, HOW were we wronged?

Our EXPECTATIONS for Life were shattered, that’s how. Our desires and hopes were ripped apart or unsettled. Our “Objection to life” is what happened. The Unexpected, the Horrible, the Unwanted happened. “We can’t forgive that!”

Like ANY stress, it only arrives because of MY broken expectations of Life.

It was my false belief in an expectation. Therefore, I regain my Power and I fix it.

Tough one to swallow, I know.

law of attraction and forgivenessThis idea of forgiveness is Tougher in my opinion than what some religions try to teach. It does not take the approach of looking down one’s nose to say “I’m a bit better than you – so I’ll… forgive… you“.  No ego involved in this new approach. It means keeping two humans “even”, there is no “wrong-doer”. There is only a broken hope, or desire.

Ever hear of “vis medicatrix naturae”?  (Latin lesson for the day.) It means “the healing power of nature”. The body can fix itself.

That’s what Forgiveness needs to be.  Just as my body will repair and heal over when something has “surprised it” like falling off a bike. My body doesn’t continue to bleed and focus or whine about the terrible nasty concrete that hit it. It knows it has to heal itself. Just as I have to adjust and fix MY perception. If I want to continue growth I need to fix myself, not the concrete that offended me.

Remember that old adage? – “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” I can hold onto my label of “Being Wronged” (even if it is a world-wide agreed upon label- its still just OUR Expectations and Desires)- but that only affects me, not the other person.

  • I will keep my power to feel good. Unexpected, unwanted, or “evil” labeled things may happen. It is only my wanting that is affected.
  • I will not give away my ability to feel good to anyone.
  • I forgive because I want to heal myself and feel good again.
  • I forgive because we are all human and have our own wants, and they are bound to oppose each other at some point.
  • I will forgive because I accept Life, with every surprise – wanted or unwanted.




Warning – stalled traffic ahead.

Picture a vast serene field without any roads. Ok, now picture the morning commute as if it had to cross that field. Pretty scary, and yet twistedly entertaining scene, right?

There’s a sports car trying to cross it the quickest way. An old beater car trying to sneak in around the sides.  Somewhere in there is someone focused on what the other drivers think about how his car looks. Most of them are pretty busy just bumbling around worried about hitting other cars or stumps or animals. One is just wanting to follow the blonde in the convertible with her top down. 

thansk to flickrThere is no pattern of traffic and the Momentum across the field is about zero. Tons of collisions, fender benders and stalled and stuck cars. Not chaotic enough? Fine, now add everyone having a stuck Accelerator to go as fast as each car can go. Really soup up the Velocity of everyone crossing the field and what happens? Yeah, not a pretty picture. 

Doesn’t that sound like our own lives sometimes?  All Velocity and no path, and you get one hot mess. Not fun!   Now, imagine a paved road for all those cars.

  • “No road” also helps explain why most people are, believe it or not,  actually NOT happy with many Choices. They find themselves still scattered in their thoughts even AFTER a choice has been made. They still spend energy on wondering if they made the “best” choice, and why the other choice might have been a “better” option. Second-guessing themselves only because they have too many cars with different intentions trying to cross that field. 
  • If you find yourself with lots of little Projects partially done, you may find some loose cars riding around in your own field of thought.
  • It has everything to do with Forgiveness. Holding on to thoughts, words or deeds that someone else has done “to you”, is just steering more cars OFF the highway to run Continuously in circles through your field of thought.

Remember “A Chicken and some Toilet Paper”?  When you pre-pave your path with Intentions, you’ll have a more comfortable journey crossing the field to where you want. You’ll save time. You’ll succeed. You’ll be less distracted. As Dr. Rao said, you’ll be happier because you are “Investing in your process, not the outcome”. Then, when you accelerate you can really go somewhere!

Don’t make it harder than it is. What do YOU WANT from life?

Listen to those slight (or tugging) wisps of wind that come thru your field of thoughts. Where are they calling?  Intentionally build a road there.